The first of what I hope to be many guest blogger posts!
Today I went to my mandatory unemployment orientation. After a one hour drive, I arrived in the ship yard town that is home to the unemployment offices for our county. I had mistakenly believed I could find a Starbucks on the way there, but no luck. So, I arrived uncaffeinated for my three hour orientation. At the door I was greeted by a white woman in her 50's who looked surprisingly stylish. She had on fabulous glasses and a beautiful Eileen Fisher-esque outfit. The woman, we'll call her Miss. C., looked over my form and said, "Damn Girl, you've got skills!" At this point I was perplexed. Her comment seemed to be totally out of synch with her look. Perhaps it wouldn't be as bad as I imagined?
It was all down hill from there. Each seat had a thin blue booklet entitled "Job Hunter" and an unsharpened golf pencil. The eyes of a tiger stared up at me but I resisted the temptation to open and read ahead. I wanted to be a good pupil. Miss C. started by saying, "Pleasey, pleasey, pleasey, turn off your cell phones!" Really? The woman who said "Damn Girl" was now saying talking baby talk? I no longer cared about being a good pupil. I was surrounded by a hodge podge of humanity and my only objective was to survive the three hours without falling asleep. The man next to me wanted to know about the on line application process. Why couldn't he save five resumes like the state web site said?! He was very dogged in his pursuit of the truth. The man in front of me jittered as if he was going to crawl out of his skin. He had brought a binder which said "Sean's Recipes". Is there a recipe for finding a job? He didn't look like the cooking type.
After a painful video explaining how to fill out your weekly job search log (a form) Miss. C. went over the material again. Apparently it is very difficult to fill out this form. You must include the date, who you spoke with, their contact information and the purpose of the contact. In fact, it is so challenging that we were given a sample to review and then we were given a blank form to fill out. My mind had drifted and I missed the part where we were supposed to fill out the new form all together. This did not go unnoticed. The Assassin came and stood by me to ensure I filled out the mock form and caught up. I'll explain about the Assassin in a minute.
Once Miss. C. was satisfied that we could fill out the form, we moved on to discuss the courses they offer. Miss. C. encourages a persona approach in which you phone or visit in person the employer. She said, "The internet is not my favorite place because the numbers of people who get hired from the internet aren't very good." Huh? What was she talking about?! CLC, ERE, etc. would all beg to differ. Thank God I didn't outwardly show my disapproval. Another woman made the mistake of snorting. Miss. C. focused her laser beam attention on the woman and demanded to know if she had something to share. The woman sheepishly sank in her chair. I felt like I was in Junior High again.
Miss. C. encouraged everyone to attend the Skills and Abilities class to prepare for the subsequent Resume class. She then invited the Assassin up to the front of the room. In a campy, staged way she asked him what he did for a living before he worked in Human Resources. With pride he said, "I was an assassin in the Army for 15 years." About half of the class stared blankly at him, while the other half seemed to teeter on the edge of their seats. They were dying to know more. The Assassin went on to talk about his Army career and how, after leaving the Army, he tried to get into HR for five months with no luck. But then, one day, he attended the Skills and Abilities course at Work Source and it changed his life. That day he transformed his resume from chronological to a functional format and suddenly opportunity abounded. Before joining Unemployment he worked for a shelter and then as a recruiter for a HMO. One woman looked as though she was going to spring out of her seat an applaud his inspiring story of success.
An hour and a half after this torture began, we were separated into groups and sent to various floors to meet one on one with counselors. My counselor didn't know what to do with me. I tried to make him feel comfortable, but he kept fumbling around. He said, "Um, you, um, seem to be very together. I mostly work with blue collar people. Um, do you need my help?" There was a visible wave of relief that washed over him when I said I felt confident in my job search capabilities and would certainly call him if I needed additional support. The counseling session was supposed to take an hour, but it only took a few minutes. I think he really wanted me to go. I wonder what would have happened if I said I wanted him to counsel me?
I skipped out of the building like a kid on the last day of school before summer break. The sun was shining and I was on my way to find coffee. As I arrived at my car I noticed something awful. Someone had thrown up right next to my driver's door. A lone cigarette butt floated on the liquid. SERIOUSLY!? Someone went out of their way to duck in between my car and another to vomit? Were they smoking and suddenly felt ill? I gagged as I stepped over the mass and thought, I'm not surprised someone got sick from that orientation. Frankly it's a miracle I didn't get ill.
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